Lilac Wine

April 2020

Nikon D4S, 24-70 mm.

Selportraits. 

Sometimes I take pictures without any specific intention. I just do things. The meaning pops up later, sometimes years after, and it’s perfectly relevant. Meaningful. Like I am some kind of medium, says the mystic. But the scientist holds the right explanation. I raise my level of consciousness, I know myself better, and I finally can take advantage of all these years of therapy. But sometimes, I just listen to a song, and it fits. 

Also, this lilac make-up making me look like a battered woman. But I’m the only person who hurts me. And it’s not an accident. 

Anyway, It’s for you. You know who you are. I know you hate words. I know you like speaking whith songs, even tho you pretend it’s an accident. It’s not. You know it. Nothing is an accident, not even the day we kissed, not even all we’ve been though. This song is so-J-of you. You told me those words. But you don’t know the song. Here it is. 

« I lost myself on a cool damp night
Gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
and be what I want to be
When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because (it) brings me back you…

Lilac wine is sweet and heady, like my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, like my love
Listen to me… I cannot see clearly
Isn’t that she coming to me nearly here?
Lilac wine is sweet and heady where’s my love?
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, where’s my love?
Listen to me, why is everything so hazy?
Isn’t that she, or am I just going crazy, dear?
Lilac Wine, I feel unready for my love… »

James Shelton, 1950.